The Hate Brigade

I do stuff.

Page 2


Hipster Doofuses

“Are you recording this?”

“Yep.”

“It’s too noisy to be a podcast.”

“We are going to reinvent podcasts.”

“How?”

“We are going to make a podcast into a blog post.”

“…”

“Can we order?”

“Why does he still ask us for our names?”

“I don’t know.”

“I have been thinking a lot lately.”

“Not again.”

“No seriously like life alternating stuff.”

“Like what?”

“Like at the end of the day, what are you really doing?

"Nothing?”

“Yeah exactly. Nothing! Something! Is it relevant? Are you helping people? Are you helping yourself? Are you just sitting on a chair and watching cat videos? What are YOU really doing?”

“I am not doing. Therefore, I am.”

-sips coffee-

“Do you ever think we will grow up and become ‘men’? You know, wearing suits and driving a mini-van and kissing our wives goodbye while patting the head of our kids as we go to our shit job which we hate so much that we would...

Continue reading →


Diffusion #02: Commuting

Traffic Jam - Colaba Point from their album Mildly Idyllic

Note: You can read Diffusion #01 here.

I have come to a conclusion that people in Mumbai need to calm down, especially on the road. As I drive everyday to and from work, I have been noticing certain oddities about what people do on the road, while driving. I hope you know that I like making inane observations and pissing people off in general.

I have complied these short-stories for months, so there will be abrupt endings and loose ends and the stories won’t segue well. That’s how I roll now, apparently.

Today’s question is about driving. Yes, the title is a giveaway.

Driving is easy, right? I mean it’s a simple concept. You hit the right most paddle of your car until somebody ahead stops. When that happens, you hit the brakes. It’s really simple. Right? All you essentially have to do is drive, DRIVE as fast as you...

Continue reading →


Being Butthurt

Read this post called “Overcompensation”

This is an extremely personal rant.

I took a recent survey of 20 people who read the blog. They’re all awesome and I will buy them a Venti ™.

I was working on something entirely different for the blog but certain events have led me to believe that this is a more important topic to write about.

“Shit just got serious, son.”

There is a new populist opinion about how money isn’t really that important. I guess it probably isn’t, but who am I to judge that when all I do my entire day is try to make more of it? I want it, I need it and I like it. #TWSS #Max #HungryForWhiteDhokla

The recent trend I have noticed on social networking sites like Twitter is that being able to afford things, pisses people off. A photo of a latte at Starbucks gets people rilled up and the person who posted it gets bombarded with hashtags and corny jokes about how...

Continue reading →


Diffusion #01: The Urban Mess

Ideas saved in drafts + pasted into one document = Diffusion #01

This particular one is called “The Urban Mess” or as Buzzfeed would call it: “6 Things We Want To Change About Mumbai!”

Every city fundamentally is screwed, lack of infracture, lack of open-spaces, ever increasing high-rise apartment complexes, buildings which look like they were designed by people who work at Samsung and the problems of overpopulation, curb cities and make it extremely difficult for tax-paying citizens to enjoy their rights.

“I will be using Mumbai as an example.”

“For?”

“Everything.”

“Well, shit.”

I have given up hope on everything, nothing will change. Let’s just get over that and think about what we can do next for the future generations. How do we make sure the people don’t consume a city so much that it’s culture is sucked dry and all that’s left are basements to park our cars?

That is...

Continue reading →


The Blue Sardar

I like to believe that every person makes mistakes and sometimes those mistakes cannot be controlled by governance. I like to remember our prime minister as somebody who made extremely important decisions in his first tenure and I would like to continue to remember him for his achievements in those five years rather than his apathy in the second tenure. I write this as a memoir, as I grew up in the Dr.Singh led country. I am not politically motivated to write this, I do not want to embrace any political party, I write this for myself and maybe those few who would be interested to know an opinion. This is not endorsement and neither is it a rejection. I am just exercising my right as a citizen of a democratic country. I am also not trying to hurt any sentiments or anything else you have by this post or by the title of this post. The story of how the title came about is actually pretty...

Continue reading →


Burning Brighter

Political Agendas and Marketing

I am a pro-capitalist, I am a pro-reformist and I support Foreign Direct Investment in certain sectors, by adding the word ‘certain’ I may not be the liberal you were hoping for me to be but I am quite afraid of private individuals and companies being responsible for weapons and defence equipment instead of the defence ministry, even though all our defence equipment is imported, giving it all away directly, seems a bit stupid. Other sensitive issues like nuclear energy and 100% FDI in banks also seem like mistakes which thankfully our nation still hasn’t made and hopefully never will.

Reliance’s new AK-66: Best way to get duniya in mutthi

I am not anti-anything, I believe that no particular economic reform is perfect, I also admit that no political party is perfect. The idea is to choose what suits the current scenario, the current troubles and the...

Continue reading →


The Slugline

Warning: I do not have solutions, if I did I would have been writing for [Project Syndicate.] (www.project-syndicate.org)

“Capitalism? Socialism? India wants an answer!”

I have been part of so many discussions recently which end up in political debates that I have been feeling like Arnab Goswami.

Never, Ever, Ever, Ever

Usually these debates are healthy but once in a while they transform into a heated discussion which gets out of hand. I don’t mind that, honest opinions by level-headed people is what shapes up the political debate scenario. Some people tend to compare political debates to fanboyism in the tech-space and although it’s the same ball-park, political debates are usually non-standardized, which in my opinion makes them way more absorbing.

Example “A”

In Defence of Capitalism

I am not a fan of the mixed economy India tries to be, I say ‘try’ because it is extremely...

Continue reading →


Bombay, Mumbai, Bombay

Bombay Meri Jaan - Anna & Arko

My thoughts on the city and why we should think of voting as a civic duty rather than a right.

“The problem with democracy is people who press the wrong button to call the elevator also have a right to vote.” - Pradyut Roy

Mumbai is probably the only place where you can smell the successes of some and the failures of others in the same zip-code. The city where the ratio of the Audi’s and the slums is in proportion to each other.

Bombay Meri Hai - Uma Pocha

Mumbai is the most populated city in India and yet one of the safest one’s. The city doesn’t force you to learn a new language or encourage you to wear sunglasses indoors. Plus, you know for sure that there won’t be a dude at McDonalds asking for a paratha and saying “Tu jaanta nahi mera [redacted] kaun hai?” with a gun pointed at the staff.

“The thing about Mumbai is you go five yards and...

Continue reading →


Insight: An Indian Wedding

I am sure it’s pretty clear that I am by nature, a cynic. I hate almost everything that is around and I make sure everybody knows about it. My hate for Indian Weddings is way more than my hate for flying or Indian startups or those VC’s who invest in those startups or well, Audi.

I. Hate. Audi.

Pre-Pre-Wedding

The whole story usually begins with you getting invited to one, the people who invite you usually decide to randomly drop by your place without informing you and the door is opened to them while you’re sitting in your boxers and trying to plan a heist in GTA V. I know, worst. timing. ever. but you can’t really do anything about it except make snarky comments at random intervals about how things have changed and people shouldn’t just drop by without informing you. They hand you the wedding card usually with 500 grams of almonds. (The rich have custom designed chocolates wrapped...

Continue reading →


India’s Current Trends

“India is, the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend, and the great grandmother of tradition. Our most valuable and most instructive materials in the history of man are treasured up in India only.” - Mark Twain

The Story of Rural India

60+ % of the population lives in Rural India. India’s economy is an agrarian economy. Simply put, we depend on land, labor and nature to play its role and nature, as we all know, thanks to Al Gore is very fickle. Droughts are common along with the uneven distribution of rainfall or excess rainfall which all cause wastage of crops. Recently installed irrigation systems are the best-in-class according to some, but they don’t reach every farm throughout the vast plains of India.

The darker side of Rural India? The farmers are committing suicide. These suicides have been causing the...

Continue reading →